All I want to do is hang out with my guys???
Weslea,
My girlfriend is being very unreasonable. I need a woman’s opinion. I want to go camping with all my guy friends. It would be a two night trip. I asked my girlfriend if I could go. It’s funny, I only asked her because I was certain she would say yes and I thought it would make her feel good that I asked her. Imagine how shocked I was when she said, “No! I don’t want you to go hang out with those people and drink all weekend. How do I know that there won’t be random girls?” I don’t really understand what the big deal is! My friends are good guys, and we’d never have random girls at our guys trip.
I want to be respectful of her. I know that if I go after asking her she’ll be very angry. What should I do? Should I explain to her the reason that I asked her?
Please help! I really want my girlfriend to be happy, but she’s being unreasonable.
-Phil
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
First of all - he never should have asked - when you need permission in a relationship and you aren’t doing anything wrong, maybe its’s time to leave! Good relationships have mutual respect and allow for good times together and SEPARATELY.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
He should not have asked if he didn’t want her to give an honest answer. He made his bed now sleep in it. Next time think before you ask if your not sure your not going to get the answer you want.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 am
The fact that you aired this on the radio is amazing to me. That will really make things good.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
His girlfriend is being unreasonable she should give him his freedom to go spend time with his guy friends and he should be able to let her do the same with her girlfriends. I have been together with my husband for 27 years and when we first got together we let each other do our own thing nothing changed as far as doing things or going away with friends without each other and it made our relationship stronger because we could trust each other. She needs to realize that it is just for one weekend and that when it is all said and done he will be coming back home to her. She needs to believe him that there will be no girls around and if she can’t then its time to move on.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
I’ve been in the same boat myself. Basically this is when the guy basically needs to explain that he needs to do this. Its always good to have some time away, and if he doesn’t ever hang out with his friends then he will lose them. I could understand her being upset if there were girls and she was not invited, but this is not the case. You should go, but also plan to do something special with just the two of you when you get back. Every relationship needs trust, and she should be able to trust you for a camping trip with the buddies.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
The true issue is she DOESNT TRUST YOU (or anyone?) which jumps out when you read “No! I don’t want you to go hang out with those people and drink all weekend. How do I know that there won’t be random girls?”
If she has no past reason for these feelings (you never cheeted) tell her you really want to go and you can both do something special when you return. Assure her that you will not be with randon girls as you never had in the past. Skip the drinking conversation as there is no reason not to drink when you go camping (if you are not driving).
She sounds more like your mother then a girl friend. I would go! If she doesnt trust you now, will she ever??
Go HAVE FUN and dont rub it in when you return. Give her special attention before and after you return.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
He should never have to ASK permission to do ANYTHING. I don’t care if its going camping with the guys or going to a strip club, if hes an honest, loyal, grown man, then he should do what he wants when he wants. And his “girlfriend” has just as much freedom to do whatever she wants to do. If my husband was going camping with his buddies for the weekend and I was CERTAIN there would be random girls there, I still wouldnt care. Because I know my husband is honest and loyal, and Phils girlfriend should know that too.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:21 am
My boyfriend would have asked me just out of respect and I think that’s what Phil was doing too. However, my beef is with the girlfriend… why can’t he go have fun with the guys?? If she can go have fun with the girls (which I’m assuming she does every now and then) he deserves a guys night too!! Sounds to me like she has some trust issues either with herself or his friends or him and she needs to work them out.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:25 am
Trust is the issue. She doesn’t own him and if he is going to fool around he will do it if he is camping or anywhere else when he is not with her. I can understand how the girlfriend feels but the cling-on routine gets old fast with guys. If they were together for a long time she would be setting up the camping trips for him just to get him out of the house!!
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
Maybe he gave her a reason not to trust him ?
Or him and his buddies get into trouble just a
thought.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
If he had the courtesy to ‘ask’ permission it sounds like a live-in relationship. In this case, he should have approached it as we do this “every year” and that he was considering her feelings. She should respect his desire to do some ‘male-bonding’. Let the guy get away with the guys, maybe he could call home to say good night and make her feel better about the weekend.
She needs to plan a ‘girls only’ weekend or a spa treatment. As others have commented, plan a special dinner/weekend when he gets back.
My brother has been married for over 30 years and he has a ‘fishing week’ with his buddies every year. After the first three or four trips, they decided to include the wives/girlfriends and the kids!
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Yes, it is all about trust and more. I’ve been married since 1990 to a man I met (on a blind date, no less!) in 1983 and here’s the three most important parts of our relationship thru the years:
Romance (of course), communication and trust. It’s like a three legged table, it will collapse with any one of them missing.
If you communicate well you can trust. I trust him when he is invited to bachelor parties etc and he trusted me when he was out of town and I was invited to hang out with a mutual male friend (the guy was there when the two of us met and he’s like a big brother to me) We have plenty of romance to keep things interesting and plain fun!
Maybe she’s had bad experiences in the past? My hubby worked with a guy whose GF was like that. If they worked late on a job site, she’d call me and ask if he was there or to see if my hubby was home. Because in her mind that meant her guy should be home too, if not he MUST be up to no good. Eventually I got fed up and told her to go contact a wildlife center, buy a tracking collar and track him herself, just stop asking me where he was! They didn’t communicate enough and soon broke up
July 24th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
GO!!!! I say go camping with your friends. If she can not trust you while you are doing a guy thing then it is her problem. You can reassure her that no other girls will be there but there has to be a trust between you two. The only reason I can see her saying no is you and her had something planned and you forgot about it. I say go camping with the the guys but either before you go or when you get back plan something extra special for you and her to do together. You still need to be able to do the stuff you like to do as a guy and if she means that much to you then you need to show her that. When you make special plans for you and her make sure it is something she loves to do. Something that will make her happy. And enjoy your camping trip.